Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It's just like the Real World with babies
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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