I wanna bring you to show and tell
So drunk its hurt
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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