i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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