everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
