you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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