There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
