You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
