STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
don't judge my taste in strippers
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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