So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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