Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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