Reggie can tackle my bush.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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