This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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