Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
