all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize