On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
