i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
