Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's never too late to be topless.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
