he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
