i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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