I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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