that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize