if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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