The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
