i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
