Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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