I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize