lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
