they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
