my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
