it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize