College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
