I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
