How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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