Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Can I color on your dick again?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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