Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
