Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
