y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
