im having a threesome with these popsicles
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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