Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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