$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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