I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
