you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
