evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize