hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
