U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
