Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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