i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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