I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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