my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
