my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
