My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
