I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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