I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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