I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
