Don't you send me to vm
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
