you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
