We tried having a conversation with our noses.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
