Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
