dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
