My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
