I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
