That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
