She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
worst night to have a conscience
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Someone signed my nipple.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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