Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
