Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
