Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
