I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
